Monday, January 19, 2009

The "It" Guy

The "It" Guy. That one guy that seems to be universally attractive to all the girls in the ward. Every ward has at least one, right? And every girl in the ward has fallen under his spell at some point or another - even girls who are visiting the ward are instantly attracted. What is it with these guys - why are they so stinkin' attractive, what is their secret? In the last few wards I have been in these guys seem to be older and more mature/have a career - is it their looks only, or is it the sense that this guy would be a good provider/husband/father? So if they are really that great - why hasn't someone snatched them up yet? I know the older I get the more I hate people wondering why I'm not married and if there is something wrong with me, but I seem to have a double standard in that area. If a guy is older and not married he must be waiting for Miss Perfect - which I am not - so I have no chance.

I have created the following chart showing what I see as the "it" guy's top 10 (what my roommate and I lovingly call "Molly Pockets" - the perfect blend, a "Molly Mormon" who is tiny enough to fit in your pocket) versus me.
Molly Pocket Me
1. Skinny (to the point of being twig like) 1. Average - I would like to loose a few pounds, but I am not overweight or obese - although I am tall so even if I were twig like I would still look amazonian to some guys
2. Drop dead gorgeous 2. Average - I like some characteristics - but I am not going to stop anyone in the street
3. Fashionable 3. Average - I dress for comfort and have no fashion sense - not bad enough to be on "What Not to Wear" but also not wearing the latest fashion trend
4. Cutesy decorator - some kind-of innate ability to make "Live Laugh Learn" and "Families are Forever" wooden decorations look good in a home to give it that Molly Mormon Mommy feel 4. Average decorating abilities - I enjoy cute stuff, but I am also on a budget - I am not going to buy silly decorations that I have no use for
5. Spiritual Giant 5. I think I am okay in this category - although I am in no way a giant
6. Popular - can she socialize and hold her own at my company parties? 6. I am working on getting over my shyness and being more outgoing, but it is a work in progress
7. Dependent - needs me 7. I would love to have someone to need, but since I don't, I have a graduate degree and a home. I don't look very needy at the moment
8. Sporty - will enjoy my hobbies with me 8. I hit myself in the head when I play volleyball, and I ran over the ski instructor when I was taking ski lessons, need I say more
9. Desireable to others (ie - has experience in the dating world) 9. Okay, honestly this is probably the area I most fall short on - I have never dated anyone. Yes, I am pushing 30 and never been kissed. Where is Michael Vartan when you need him?
10. Nice to everyone - the kind-of girl everyone would love to hate but can't 10. I try - but pretty people intimidate me so I probably appear to be a snob because I don’t talk to most people

Don't get me wrong - this is not a bash on me post, or bash on the cute guys post, there are plenty of girls in my ward that fit that description - and I am not saying I am hideous. But I know that I am pleasantly average - not Molly Pocket perfect. But that doesn't stop me from developing a very unhealthy crush on the "it" guy, when I have no hope of it going anywhere. So, my question is, why am I attracted to these guys, and how can I find a nice non-it guy who is looking for a nice average girl like me that will help me get over the current "it" guy who barely knows my name?

Friday, January 16, 2009

Baby Mama

So, I watched Baby Mama last night. It was a cute movie, there were some laughs, and any movie with Greg Kinnear (who I think is absolutely adorable) gets bonus points in my book. But, I really didn't like the overall message the movie was trying to get across. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, it is about a 37 year old single career woman who suddenly gets hit with the biological time bomb and decides she needs/wants to have a baby. She is told she has a 1 in a million chance of getting pregnant, so she decides to hire a surrogate. Predictable hijinks and hilarity ensue.

My problem with the movie was the message it seemed to be sending about families and motherhood. That if you want a baby you should just scientifically create one, who needs a husband or a father. Any way you decide to have a family is right and good. I totally and completely 100% disagree.

Being a single woman in Utah, approaching 30 (that would be close to 40 in outside of Utah years) with most of my friends on their 3rd or 4th child, I have to say that I understand what the main character was going through. I have had to come to terms with the fact that maybe marriage and children isn't in the cards for me. Does that mean that I am doomed to live a less fulfilling life? That I am never going to find the happiness and fulfillment I could have as a mother? I used to think that - but I have learned that the Lord makes up the difference. I can be just as happy and fulfilled as a single childless woman, as I can married with children. It's a different kind-of happiness granted, but that in no way makes it less worthwhile. There are no second class citizens in the church and my worth is not based on how many children I have.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints published a document entitled, "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" which states,

"The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity."

Obviously there are circumstances where, due to death or divorce, children do not have the opportunity to be raised by a mother and a father, but if at all possible, it is best for children to have a mother and a father. Yet this movie seems to be preaching that fathers aren't necessary, and if a woman wants to feel fulfilled and experience the joy of motherhood, she should just go ahead and do it. Which appears to me to be an incredibly selfish way of thinking.

I know this is a sensitive subject, and I in no way want to pass judgment on anyone who might have made a different decision, but I strongly believe in the importance of family relationships and think that if at all possible, children should be in homes with a mother and a father.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


In reading over some of my previous posts, I feel like there has been a really negative tone. This is not my intent. Although there are struggles and trials inherent in being a single LDS woman, there are also many blessings. I am a firm believer that you can be happy no matter what your social status, married, single, divorced. The Lord has given me so many blessings and opportunities that I would not have had otherwise and that have shaped me into being the person I am today, and I am grateful for that. So, in order to have a more positive post, I decided to post some of the blessings of being single.
  1. Opportunity to serve a mission
  2. Pursue a higher education, to date I have completed a Master's degree
  3. Gain experience in my chosen career, which will open opportunities for working from home when the time comes
  4. Self-confidence in myself and my abilities
  5. Self-reliance
  6. Empathy
  7. Time spent with extended family members
  8. Ability to save for and take trips to far off locations
  9. Ability to create my own schedule and sleep in if I want
  10. Learn how to be more social, meet new people
  11. Time for institute classes, Temple worship, personal study
  12. Sole control of the TV remote
  13. Opportunities to pursue hobbies and interests
  14. Ownership of my own home in which I can create my own personal safe haven
  15. Disposable income
  16. Spontaneous activities and trips
  17. Sabbath nap time
  18. Sunday dinners at the parents
  19. Watch movies I want (no fights about chick flicks vs. action movies)
  20. I think one of the most important things I have learned from being single is to do things for me. I used to think, oh I will experience that or purchase this or learn this skill when I am married, or when I have a family. I don't need to worry about that until I reach that point. But I am learning that I am just as important as my future husband and children, and I can and need to take care of myself and allow myself to be happy now, regardless of my married state. If I want to have a clean house, it is up to me. If I want to make/eat homemade bread weekly, I can. If I want to learn how to sew or decorate cakes or can and preserve food, I can do all of that now, simply because I want to, I don't have to have an excuse, I don't have to have a family to use these skills on, I can do it for myself because I am worth it. Which brings me to...
  21. My worth is NOT dependent on my marital status, my Heavenly Father loves me, personally and individually and He has a perfect plan for me, whether or not that plan fits into my preconceived notions what I do with that plan will determine my success.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Being Single in a Relationship Centered World

There are times I have seriously considered moving away from Utah, if only to escape the pressure and questioning about my relationship status. But, I am learning to deal with it. And then, last week I realized that moving to a different state probably wouldn't help as much as I think it would. Apparently, even though marriage and family begins at a later age for some people, the whole world assumes that at some point in your life you are going to get married. I discovered this while setting up an online account . I had to pick three different security questions, some of my options were, first boyfriend, name of my maid of honor, name of the best man, and where did I meet my spouse. Is it cheating to put NA for each of those?