Monday, February 27, 2012

Dear Abby

Dear One Reader,
I am in a quandary. I was brave and kept my goal of going to singles activity. I was approached by a man who asked for my number. I have always felt that people can make a very bad first impression, but improve on acquaintance. So I have have a policy of giving a guy who was brave enough to ask for my number a chance. Just as my policy has always been to go out with someone at least once (unless I feel unsafe).

So, although I was not attracted to this man at all (I like men who are at least taller than my shoulders), I gave him my number. He seemed like a nice guy, I didn't feel like he was someone scary - and it was a ward activity, so, I figured what could be the harm. Well, since Saturday night when I gave him my number, he has called Saturday night, Sunday day, and Monday evening. He also sent texts Saturday night, Sunday day, Sunday evening, and Monday evening. Every time he called I was legitimately unavailable, I wasn't avoiding his call, so now I have had three voice mails, and four texts. At this point, despite my intention of giving the guy a chance, I am completely turned off.

So, here is my dilemma. I know how hard it is for guys to ask girls out, and I hate it when I hear guys won't ask girls out because they keep getting turned down. That is why I have the one date policy. But I really don't want to go out with this guy. It isn't an issue of safety. I have since talked to a mutual friend who vouched that he is harmless, if a little intense (obviously). I just don't want to encourage the daily phone calls and texts. When is it okay to break your rules and not give someone a chance? And how would you go about telling this guy to back off? Any guys out there have an opinion on the one date rule? Would you rather have someone tell you flat out she isn't interested - or would you want one date to hopefully make a better impression?

Monday, February 13, 2012

Friday, February 10, 2012


I won a book on Goodreads a couple of months ago that I finally started reading. It is called "My Year of Living Fearlessly" by Amber Karlins. It is a memoir based on Amber's goal of doing something that terrifies her each week for a year. I have only read the first 50 pages or so, but it I am really enjoying it. She has a good sense of humor and it has been fun reading about her experiences. It also has me thinking about my own life. Am I living life as fully as I could/should be or if I am letting my own fears hold me back - especially when it comes to dating and social activities?

Since I am in a family ward it is really easy to just stay home weekend after weekend, hang out with my single siblings, or hang out with old friends when I could be going to singles activities and trying to meet new people. So, I have decided to have my own Year of Living Fearlessly. I don't think I have the time or bravery to plan and do something new each week, but I can do at least one thing a month that I am afraid of.

Some of the ideas/plans that I have include:
  • Sign up for and really give online dating a real chance. I have created profiles before, and even put a picture up, but I haven't really put a lot of thought or effort into an introduction or even really expressed interest in anyone. Basically I have only ever dipped my toes in the water and browsed the options. I had my sister help me with a mini-photo shoot this last weekend so I would have some good pictures of myself to post and I am working on a good introduction that will hopefully generate some interest (if anyone would like to read and offer suggestions, let me know!)
  • Go on a singles cruise. I have already signed up for this one (Western Caribbean in April). I love to travel, so it shouldn't be that scary. But, it is a singles cruise so there is going to be a lot more socializing than I am used to, and I only know one person in the group I am going with, so I am kind-of nervous about this one.
  • Go to a singles ward activity/FHE and attend a singles ward. I love my calling and I love my ward, but I am not meeting any singles. So, I need to make an effort to at least once a month go to another ward or an activity and try to meet new people.
  • Ask someone out on a date. I HATE this. I have always been old fashioned and felt like the guy should be the one to ask out. But maybe some of this is just an excuse because it terrifies me. Of course, I am going to have to do achieve the goal of going to activities and meeting people first because I don't even have anyone to ask out right now - but hopefully in a few months this would be a possibility.
  • Ask a friend or family member to set me up. I don't really mind blind dates, if someone brings it up and has someone they want to set me up with. But I have never wanted to actually ask a friend to set me up. I guess I don't want to look too desperate. Time to swallow my pride.
Although I just recently decided to do this, I actually did go to a singles ward FHE and Sacrament meeting in January, so I already have one month down. If anything both of those experiences reminded me how socially awkward I can get when I am out of practice and how much I really need to be working on this more! I'm hoping now that I will be more accountable since I have to report back on my blog.

Does anyone else have any suggestions or things they are scared of?