Thursday, August 28, 2008


So, for the longest time I have thought that maybe there was something wrong with me because I didn't get obsessed or fanatical about things like others do. I have never had the urge to stay up to see a movie at the VERY FIRST midnight screening. Nor have I ever plastered my walls with pictures of my favorite movie/TV/music stars. And I have never screamed or cried or hyperventilated when I was in the presence of said movie/TV/music star. As I was thinking about this yesterday, I started thinking that maybe it isn't a bad thing. Maybe, just maybe, it shows that I am well-rounded, and have a healthy dose of "moderation in all things". And then I realized that I do have one very unhealthy obsession. I am a romance junky. Which, given my non-existent dating life, can be quite a problem. Give me a happily ever after chick flick any day, give me a TV show with some real romantic tension and I am hooked, give me a poorly written - no plot - sappy romance novel, and the world stops until I finish reading. I know how bad the books are, I know they are all the same, I know I get embarrassed even browsing the romance section at the library, I know the titles are ABSOLUTELY ridiculous, I know lots of times I have to skip over some sections that are rather too juicy for my taste, but I don't care - it's a love story with a happy ending - that's all I need. And, sadly, I have spent WAY too much of my free time, and not so free time, indulging in said obsession. But - I wonder if it is giving me an unhealthy view of relationships and happily ever after. I tell myself that it never happens that way in real life, but am I still expecting a knight in shining armor to sweep me off my feet? Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to not have any obsessions after all. Moderation here I come!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Day 1

Dear Blog -
How does one start an anonymous letter to the blog world? Especially when one has never been great at starting any writing assignment. When I was little I used to write stories and plays - my class even performed a Christmas play I wrote. But it seems that my writing abilities disappeared the older I got. I have always dreamed of writing a story that would capture the imagination, but I am too self-conscious to even let people hear my ideas. So, dear blog, you will tell the sometimes happy, sometimes sad, very often frustrating story of my life.

I was recently challenged to pay attention to my feelings and needs more throughout my week. The most surprising result of this experiment was not the feelings that I recognized, rather the lack thereof. Which made me wonder how I came to the point where I rarely experience a strong emotion. Was it all the times I would get excited about something, only to immediately tell myself not to get my hopes up? Or the times I would be hurt and frustrated by someone, but would push the feelings aside so as to avoid the dreaded confrontation? There have been times of strong emotion - the elation I felt when I got my dream job, the strange mix of emotions a mission brings - homesickness, frustration, love and joy all wrapped into one, the terror of purchasing a home (something I never thought I would be doing on my own). But the small every day emotions are harder for me to recognize and feel. Hopefully this blog will help me to figure out who I am and embrace it!