Baby Mama

So, I watched Baby Mama last night. It was a cute movie, there were some laughs, and any movie with Greg Kinnear (who I think is absolutely adorable) gets bonus points in my book. But, I really didn't like the overall message the movie was trying to get across. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, it is about a 37 year old single career woman who suddenly gets hit with the biological time bomb and decides she needs/wants to have a baby. She is told she has a 1 in a million chance of getting pregnant, so she decides to hire a surrogate. Predictable hijinks and hilarity ensue.

My problem with the movie was the message it seemed to be sending about families and motherhood. That if you want a baby you should just scientifically create one, who needs a husband or a father. Any way you decide to have a family is right and good. I totally and completely 100% disagree.

Being a single woman in Utah, approaching 30 (that would be close to 40 in outside of Utah years) with most of my friends on their 3rd or 4th child, I have to say that I understand what the main character was going through. I have had to come to terms with the fact that maybe marriage and children isn't in the cards for me. Does that mean that I am doomed to live a less fulfilling life? That I am never going to find the happiness and fulfillment I could have as a mother? I used to think that - but I have learned that the Lord makes up the difference. I can be just as happy and fulfilled as a single childless woman, as I can married with children. It's a different kind-of happiness granted, but that in no way makes it less worthwhile. There are no second class citizens in the church and my worth is not based on how many children I have.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints published a document entitled, "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" which states,

"The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity."

Obviously there are circumstances where, due to death or divorce, children do not have the opportunity to be raised by a mother and a father, but if at all possible, it is best for children to have a mother and a father. Yet this movie seems to be preaching that fathers aren't necessary, and if a woman wants to feel fulfilled and experience the joy of motherhood, she should just go ahead and do it. Which appears to me to be an incredibly selfish way of thinking.

I know this is a sensitive subject, and I in no way want to pass judgment on anyone who might have made a different decision, but I strongly believe in the importance of family relationships and think that if at all possible, children should be in homes with a mother and a father.

Gratitude

In reading over some of my previous posts, I feel like there has been a really negative tone. This is not my intent. Although there are struggles and trials inherent in being a single LDS woman, there are also many blessings. I am a firm believer that you can be happy no matter what your social status, married, single, divorced. The Lord has given me so many blessings and opportunities that I would not have had otherwise and that have shaped me into being the person I am today, and I am grateful for that. So, in order to have a more positive post, I decided to post some of the blessings of being single.

1. Opportunity to serve a mission
2. Pursue a higher education, to date I have completed a Master's degree
3. Gain experience in my chosen career, which will open opportunities for working from home when the time comes
4. Self-confidence in myself and my abilities
5. Self-reliance
6. Empathy
7. Time spent with extended family members
8. Ability to save for and take trips to far off locations
9. Ability to create my own schedule and sleep in if I want
10. Learn how to be more social, meet new people
11. Time for institute classes, Temple worship, personal study
12. Sole control of the TV remote
13. Opportunities to pursue hobbies and interests
14. Ownership of my own home in which I can create my own personal safe haven
15. Disposable income
16. Spontaneous activities and trips
17. Sabbath nap time
18. Sunday dinners at the parents
19. Watch movies I want (no fights about chick flicks vs. action movies)
20. I think one of the most important things I have learned from being single is to do things for me. I used to think, oh I will experience that or purchase this or learn this skill when I am married, or when I have a family. I don't need to worry about that until I reach that point. But I am learning that I am just as important as my future husband and children, and I can and need to take care of myself and allow myself to be happy now, regardless of my married state. If I want to have a clean house, it is up to me. If I want to make/eat homemade bread weekly, I can. If I want to learn how to sew or decorate cakes or can and preserve food, I can do all of that now, simply because I want to, I don't have to have an excuse, I don't have to have a family to use these skills on, I can do it for myself because I am worth it. Which brings me to...
21. My worth is NOT dependent on my marital status, my Heavenly Father loves me, personally and individually and He has a perfect plan for me, whether or not that plan fits into my preconceived notions what I do with that plan will determine my success.
    

Being Single in a Relationship Centered World

There are times I have seriously considered moving away from Utah, if only to escape the pressure and questioning about my relationship status. But, I am learning to deal with it. And then, last week I realized that moving to a different state probably wouldn't help as much as I think it would. Apparently, even though marriage and family begins at a later age for some people, the whole world assumes that at some point in your life you are going to get married. I discovered this while setting up an online account . I had to pick three different security questions, some of my options were, first boyfriend, name of my maid of honor, name of the best man, and where did I meet my spouse. Is it cheating to put NA for each of those?

Choosing Faith over Fear

I have been thinking a lot about the fears that I have in my life that seem to be holding me back. Most of them are not fears of things or people, more fears about myself, and how others view me. I am always worried that if I start a conversation with someone, they are going to feel obligated to talk to me, and are searching for an excuse to leave the conversation. I worry that the men I find attractive find me completely unattractive. I worry that I am really incredibly boring and that I don't really have a personality. I worry that I spent so much time reading and daydreaming when I was younger, I wasn't really living. I worry that once someone sees the real me, they will get bored, or not like me, and move on. I worry that no matter what I do, or how hard I try, my life will be spent alone. I worry that people who befriend me are only doing so to be nice, and don't really want to spend time with me - and thus, I am always looking for people to disappoint me. I am embarrassed for perfect strangers who talk too long - or share too many personal details in church - because I'm sure people are thinking poorly of them. I was/am sometimes embarrassed to be seen with my family, because they aren't always the picture of perfection.

Am I happy about this character trait? No. Do I wish I could change it? Yes. Hence, my New Years Resolution to choose Faith over my Fears. I haven't quite figured out all the ways that I can do this yet, so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. But it is going to start with my Faith List - the things I am choosing to have faith in - and remind myself to have faith in when I have a bad day. I am sure as the year progresses and I work on this goal, I will be able to add things to my list, and hopefully I will be able to look back at the end of the year and see that I have conquered some of my worst fears.

My Faith List

• Heavenly Father has a perfect plan for me.
• Heavenly Father wants me to be happy.
• People are not so self-sacrificing that they will spend time talking to me if they don't want to.
• The kind-of person I am looking for, is looking for someone like me and will be attracted to me.
• I am interesting and worth knowing.
• I can let people get to know me.
• People want to get to know me.
• My family is amazing, and despite our imperfections, is a family worth knowing.
• I don't have to apologize for anyone, including myself.
• People are not trying to hurt or embarrass me.
• Most people are not going to disappoint me.
• I can do anything I want to do.
• What I have done in the past does not determine what I can do in the future.
  

Proposition 8

I agree with and support California's Proposition 8. To understand why, please read "Disagree but Don't Be Unkind" by Orson Scott Card.

Only in Utah

So, I have decided that stress of having spiritual responsibility for over 200 young single adults might have finally become too much. Yesterday our dear Bishop - who I love and support and sustain - introduced his newest program designed to get all of the members of his ward married off. I won't reveal the actual name of his new program here - since it includes the names of several of the "older" young single adult men in my ward that he is most worried about. For the purposes of this blog - I will name it - Boyfriend for a Week. Yes, that is right - our Bishop wants the sisters to "take pity on the mothers of these poor menaces to society" and sign up to be their girlfriend for a week - in the hopes that it will teach the men how to commit - for one week at a time. Also, I think, in the hopes that they can set some people up, that they think would be perfect for each other, and force them to spend more time together than the obligatory blind date. I haven't decided if I am going to volunteer for this service project yet. If it weren't happening to me, I might think this was the plot for The Singles Ward III.

This is my first actual "singles ward" experience - all of my other wards were "student wards", which are vastly different - so my question is, are other wards like this? Do you have similar "challenges" from your Bishop? What is the craziest scheme you have heard of to get all the poor "menaces to society" married off?

Is Opportunity Knocking?

I have been challenged to join the thousands of singles looking for love on the internet by numerous people, but I have always put them off. I have always seen the internet as a really bad way to meet people, and just another way to be rejected. It seems really scary to post a picture for all to see and judge if you are cute enough to talk to. Wouldn't it be better to be pen pals with someone - sight unseen and fall in love with who they are - like in Shop Around the Corner and In the Good Old Summertime? I know it is cheesy and romantic fantasy - I've already admitted I am a hopeless romantic.

I know it can work, I have had more than one friend find love online - I'm just not sure it is for me. Call me old fashioned, but I would love to meet someone without the means of technology.