I Want Pancakes, or Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

When I was growing up one of our favorite books was Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. In my family, we now say, it was an Alexander Day, not I had a bad day. Well, last Saturday was one of the worst Alexander days I have had in a long time.

I got a new bed set for Christmas and decided while I was putting everything on, I would flip my mattress. Well, this turned out to be a comedy of errors, which included my new bedskirt melting in the dryer, me knocking a lamp over, onto my computer, breaking a key off the keyboard, and finally, the last straw, knocking the entire bed off the blocks that I have it raised up on. It was at this point that I kind-of fell apart. I kept thinking, I am so SICK of this! If I had a husband he could have helped me and this would have been done in no time, with no problems. But no, I can't even do the basic home care items without being reminded that I am alone. I just want to be married already, why is this SO hard!

It was just one of those Alexander days.

Well, I go to my parents house for Sunday dinner every week. They had Stake Conference last week and related a story that seemed to be specifically for me and my frustrations. Not too long ago the Stake President had a day off of work. He decided to make pancakes for his family. His daughter, who is 5 or 6, came in the kitchen and asked him what he was doing. When he told her he was making pancakes she got very excited and sat down to watch him. He was making the pancakes from scratch, so it was taking him awhile to get all the ingredients mixed up, and of course, the batter didn't really look like pancakes to a five year old. She started to get really anxious, and kept telling him, "Daddy, I really want some pancakes, aren't you going to make me some pancakes?" and "Daddy, can I have a pancakes now", "aren't they ready yet?", etc. Finally the Stake President, a little exasperated, took her face in his hands and looked her straight in the eyes and said, "I am making you pancakes, I know it doesn't look like it right now, but I need you to trust me, and you will have your pancakes." The Stake President then related this story to our lives, and how often we tell our Heavenly Father that we want pancakes, and he keeps telling us, "I need you to trust me, it will come".

I know I need to trust in my Heavenly Father more. This isn't the first time the spirit has told me that I need to TRUST. But sometimes it is so hard! It is easy to say, trust Him, but no one ever says, here is how you gain more trust. So, my question is, how do you increase your trust in the Lord and his promises, and how do you show your trust in Him?

Denial?

My second week in the ward wasn't quite as good as the first. I found out a girl I knew in High School is in the ward, married, with three kids. I was excited to talk to her and have a friend in the ward. Well, we only talked long enough for her to tell me that there are a lot of fun older singles in the ward, so I should have a lot of fun in the ward. Really? Then, later in the week, I had a phone call from a counselor in the Bishopric, who also told me there are a lot of great single women in the ward, so you should fit right in.

I have two problems with those statements. First, does that mean that I can only make friends with other people that are single? Second, so far the only singles I have met are older singles, in their 40's or 50's or widows in the 70's. Aren't I too young to be looking for social activities with the 40 and 50 year olds? Maybe I am just in denial. In a young single adult you have people ranging from 18 to 31 - a 13 year time span. Going in the other direction, that means up to 44 - so is it that strange that people would group me in with the 40 year olds? Maybe it is just time for a shift in my perception of "old".

This last weekend, my siblings and I decided to leave the cold, yucky air in Salt Lake and visit my sister in California. I have to say, I wasn't that sad to miss church. Hopefully I can have a better attitude going back this week.

The Tender Mercies of the Lord

I survived my first Sunday in the family ward. I did meet the Relief Society President (who I think is also single - a tender mercy). But I didn't introduce myself to the Bishop. Hopefully I can do that this Sunday. There were a few moments of panic - feeling like I somehow failed and have now lost my chance to ever find someone because I am no longer in a singles ward - but - there were also numerous tender mercies. Today I need to focus on the blessings.

First, my roommate, who is usually not in town on the weekends flew in Sunday morning and met me in Sacrament meeting. Hooray for not sitting alone on my first Sunday.

Second, my bishopric in the singles ward was released about 6 months ago. One of the counselors is in my family ward. So I have someone who already knows me, and is watching out for me in the ward.

And last but not least, a cute young mother (in my eyes she looked to be about 15 - I felt really old) sat down in front of me in Relief Society with her adorable 2 month old baby. Of course I started feeling those baby hungry pangs and feeling sorry for myself because I don't have that blessing yet. And then, the baby spit up all over everything! The mom had a burp cloth but it didn't contain everything - and the mom couldn't see half of what got all over the back of her shirt - and the back of her skirt. The rest of our meetings she was walking around with huge blotches of baby spit up all over her - and I thought - you know - being single does have its advantages. :)

Watch Out!

About a month ago I hit that special age - graduation age - that magic number that means you are now too old to go to church with the "Young" Single Adults. You can move on to a "Mid" Single Adult ward. Or accept your "failure" gracefully and move on to a family ward.

The mid-singles ward is for singles 31 to 45. However, hitting that magic age, doesn't always mean they kick you out of the ward immediately. I have been to two different mid-singles wards in the area. In each one, there were more people that looked like they were pushing the 45 limit (possibly even into 50) than those that looked like they were in their early 30's. The mid-singles wards also have a much smaller potential dating/interest pool. My friend and I attended one sacrament meeting together. We both had noticed one guy in particular that we thought was attractive. Out of the entire ward, this was the only guy that we saw. Of course, we felt a little bit foolish when he got up to conduct the meeting - yes, he was a member of the Bishopric - a married member of the Bishopric.

Then there is the family ward. As a single in a family ward you get to go to church by yourself, watch all of the cute families, hear lessons on how to raise said cute families, and feel like the person who got sent back to the factory with a defective stamp on your forehead. I have heard so many horror stories about singles who go to family wards and are treated like they have leprosy. About three months ago one of the counselors in my Bishopric summed up the family ward in this way (no lie - this is word for word what he said) "What do you have to do in a family ward, wait around for someone's spouse to die?" I was surprised when my friend related what she heard from the other counselor in my Bishopric - "how are you going to meet someone in a family ward, break up someone's marriage?"

Based on the opinions of these two good men, I am assured that they are not going to kick me out of the ward anytime soon, which I am grateful for in a way. But I also feel like it is time to move on. I have been in this ward for almost 4 years and I am tired of feeling like the grandma in the ward.

Please, read the sarcasm in what I have said above, I know that I am not a "failure" and I know that there are fabulous people in any ward, including the mid-singles wards. I am not trying to whine and complain as much as I am trying to find some humor in my current situation. Which brings me to my decision. It is time for a break from the meat market. I am going to go to the family ward. I figure with the New Year it is a good time to start with a new ward. That being said, I know that there are two different ways for me to approach this new chapter in my life. I can either sit in a corner and feel sorry for myself or I can come in with guns blazing and make people notice me and put me to work. My natural response would be the first. I am terribly shy and have a hard time meeting new people. But, I know I will be happier if I can let go of some of my fears and dive in. Has anyone out there made the transition? Good or bad - tell me your experiences. Any advice on how to make this a good experience?

My resolution is to report on this blog my efforts to get involved with the ward, make new friends, and not hide in corner. Hopefully my experience will be a positive one, and hopefully it just might help someone else out there going through a similar transition. Watch out family ward - here I come!

Statistically Speaking

And I'm back. Since the last time I posted, I have been trying to deal with some not fun family issues, time consuming church callings, and the usual depression that comes with being an "older" single in our society. So, posting has kind-of been the last thing on my mind. But, I am trying to get back on track in my life, socially, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. And writing seems to be the most effective way for me to deal - emotionally. So, I am going to try to post more often and get some of my feelings written down.

So, the title of my post today. My first or second year of college I took a homemaking class (yes, I was at a church school, why do you ask?) I remember one day the teacher passed around a bowl of candy, and had everyone pick one. She had put in a specific number of each different kind of candy based on how many people were in the class, and then went around telling us what each kind-of candy meant - statistically speaking. So some people got the candy that represented happy marriages while others chose divorce, widowed, and never married. I had picked that candy that matched with the happy marriage and plenty of money category - and of course was thrilled - I was sure this meant that life was going to be grand for me! :) I didn't really pay attention to the never married candy - I never thought that would be me. But, the older I get, the more that lesson worries me because I know that there has to that one person who got the never married piece of candy. Statistically speaking, that is looking more and more like it is going to be me. Of the 14 girls in my high school choir group, I am the only one still single, of the 8 friends that have stuck with me since junior high, I am the only single, of my first set of roommates (6 of us), I am the only single. Of my 8 different companions on my mission, I am the only single. Are you sensing a pattern here? As happy as I am for my friends when they find a wonderful man and get married, there is a little part of me that wishes they would stop ruining my odds. Am I the only one who feels this way?

Intimidation

Wow! It has been a long time since I posted! I have had some pretty major family issues to deal with and at the same time got a major time consuming calling in my ward. I am finally starting to feel like I am not drowning and figured it was well past time for a new post.

Over the last few weeks I have had a couple of guys make some kind-of remark about how I would never go for someone like them - when in all actuality, I have been wishing they would just ask me out already! I've never thought of myself as an intimidating person, in fact, I think my lack of self-confidence is one thing that has been hurting me in the dating world. But, on a surface level, I can see how people might think that. I have a career with a good paying job, I have a Master's degree, I own my home, and I have a very visible calling in my ward. On the surface that could seem intimidating, but some of these guys also have careers, law degrees, homes, etc.

I think, the intimidation factor is compounded by my inability to let people see the real me. I hate making mistakes in front of people, I avoid things I know I am not good at because I don't want people to see my weaknesses. I keep a tight reign on my emotions - no one sees me angry, excited, and especially sad.

The problem is, that I'm not sure how to change it is so much a part of who I am now. I want to be more open and honest and real around people, but I don't really know where to start, any suggestions?

Jeopardy

Cue the Jeopardy music.

Answer: Can I play you a song on my saw?

Question: What not to say to a girl who has just met you and is stuck in a car with you.

In my on-going efforts to find Mr. Right, I am bound to meet some Mr. Wrongs, I get that - but I never thought I would be slightly afraid for my life at an institute activity! Unfortunately such was the case last night. The institute had an activity this weekend where they created groups to meet somewhere for dinner. You get to meet new people in a smaller group setting - what could be wrong with that?

Apparently, lots.

What I didn't realize was that it was Prom, a Jazz Game, Young Women's conference, and the Ballet - all on the same night downtown, so I ended up parking about two blocks away from the restaurant. (Lesson learned #1 - take advantage of valet parking)

After dinner one of the guys from our group volunteered to walk me to my car, which I thought was incredibly thoughtful and nice, and I gratefully accepted. Then we decided since he was parked nearby he would just drive me over to my car. (Lesson learned #2 - don't get in the car with someone you just met - even if it was at an institute activity)

During our dinner conversation this guy had mentioned that he played the saw - but I thought he was joking. Imagine my surprise when he brought up the subject again as we were driving to my car! Only this time - it was to introduce me to his saw - which he had wrapped up in some kind-of case and was sitting between us on the front seat! Yes, he has named his saw. I was slightly freaked out and incredibly relieved to see the Ballet just getting out and lots of people and cops on the streets nearby. Especially when he made the following statement,

"She makes really pretty music when I stroke her"

WHAT!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Apparently not, because he proceeded to ask me if he could play something for me on it. (Lesson learned #3 - never accept a ride from someone who considers a sharp object a musical instrument)

I have never been so grateful to see my car, I jumped out of his car and jumped into mine and locked the doors - unfortunately said "sawyer" (apparently that is a real term) has my phone number because I was in charge of the group. Don't get me wrong - I am sure a playing the saw is a perfectly legitimate talent, but for me, I am not answering any calls from unknown numbers from now on!