Personal Growth

I have been trying to have more confidence, so over the weekend I went to a social activity with the goal of actually talking to new people and getting out of my comfort zone. Of course I ended up in a situation that required a little more bravery than I was expecting. When I got there I discovered someone from my past that I feel very awkward around was also in attendance. I decided that I was going to put my new "bravery" skills to the test and treat him like anyone else, as if there was no awkward history between us. This was a difficult undertaking but I feel like I succeeded at least partially. At the time I felt pretty good about myself, but sitting here typing this post, and looking at this picture, I realize just how small and petty my act of bravery might look to someone else, and really, what little amount of bravery it actually required. There were no potentially harmful repercussions to my actions, death was not imminent, I was not going to end up in the hospital if anything went wrong, so why was I so scared? Maybe my new mantra needs to be - "It's not going to kill you!" Maybe then I would be able to report more instances of personal bravery.

School Time

Fall is my FAVORITE season. I love the cooler weather, the leaves changing color, and, crazy as it sounds I love going back to school. I loved having a fresh start - with so many opportunities to succeed. By the end of the year I was usually overwhelmed and stressed with homework and tests, but I still looked forward to the fresh start of a new year. I always seem to have more hope at the beginning of the school year. I used to go to every single class thinking - this will be the class that will have that someone special. It would take a couple of classes before I would admit, this class was exactly like all the rest, nothing had changed. I was still shy and unable to talk to guys. Speaking of guys - the one thing I have always wanted to experience in the fall is being in love. I have all these daydreams of dates involving fall hikes, driving in the mountains to see the leaves, bonfires, playing in the leaves, corn mazes, and most importantly, having someone to protect me when I get roped into going to the Haunted House. You never know, maybe this fall is the year!

I'll See You In My Dreams

My goal of getting up early to exercise once again flew out of the window. It is so hard to get up when you are having a dream about going on a date with a very nice looking guy who seems to be VERY interested in you. I seem to have perfected the art of waking up enough to hit snooze on my alarm, but not enough to interrupt my dream. I am able to quickly slip back into my dream world. But this latest dream made me wonder - you see, this dream it was my first date with this guy - and I was so stinking excited! He was totally into me, and vice versa. Now in real life, I have never been asked out by a guy that I was already interested in. So, is that crazy excited feeling as good in real life as it is in my dreams? And, will I EVER get a chance to find out?

PS - Okay so apparently I lied about not having any obsessions with movie/TV stars, but really, looking at this guy, who can blame me?