Dear Abby

Dear One Reader,
I am in a quandary. I was brave and kept my goal of going to singles activity. I was approached by a man who asked for my number. I have always felt that people can make a very bad first impression, but improve on acquaintance. So I have have a policy of giving a guy who was brave enough to ask for my number a chance. Just as my policy has always been to go out with someone at least once (unless I feel unsafe).

So, although I was not attracted to this man at all (I like men who are at least taller than my shoulders), I gave him my number. He seemed like a nice guy, I didn't feel like he was someone scary - and it was a ward activity, so, I figured what could be the harm. Well, since Saturday night when I gave him my number, he has called Saturday night, Sunday day, and Monday evening. He also sent texts Saturday night, Sunday day, Sunday evening, and Monday evening. Every time he called I was legitimately unavailable, I wasn't avoiding his call, so now I have had three voice mails, and four texts. At this point, despite my intention of giving the guy a chance, I am completely turned off.

So, here is my dilemma. I know how hard it is for guys to ask girls out, and I hate it when I hear guys won't ask girls out because they keep getting turned down. That is why I have the one date policy. But I really don't want to go out with this guy. It isn't an issue of safety. I have since talked to a mutual friend who vouched that he is harmless, if a little intense (obviously). I just don't want to encourage the daily phone calls and texts. When is it okay to break your rules and not give someone a chance? And how would you go about telling this guy to back off? Any guys out there have an opinion on the one date rule? Would you rather have someone tell you flat out she isn't interested - or would you want one date to hopefully make a better impression?

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Fearless

I won a book on Goodreads a couple of months ago that I finally started reading. It is called "My Year of Living Fearlessly" by Amber Karlins. It is a memoir based on Amber's goal of doing something that terrifies her each week for a year. I have only read the first 50 pages or so, but it I am really enjoying it. She has a good sense of humor and it has been fun reading about her experiences. It also has me thinking about my own life. Am I living life as fully as I could/should be or if I am letting my own fears hold me back - especially when it comes to dating and social activities?

Since I am in a family ward it is really easy to just stay home weekend after weekend, hang out with my single siblings, or hang out with old friends when I could be going to singles activities and trying to meet new people. So, I have decided to have my own Year of Living Fearlessly. I don't think I have the time or bravery to plan and do something new each week, but I can do at least one thing a month that I am afraid of.

Some of the ideas/plans that I have include:

• Sign up for and really give online dating a real chance. I have created profiles before, and even put a picture up, but I haven't really put a lot of thought or effort into an introduction or even really expressed interest in anyone. Basically I have only ever dipped my toes in the water and browsed the options. I had my sister help me with a mini-photo shoot this last weekend so I would have some good pictures of myself to post and I am working on a good introduction that will hopefully generate some interest (if anyone would like to read and offer suggestions, let me know!)
• Go on a singles cruise. I have already signed up for this one (Western Caribbean in April). I love to travel, so it shouldn't be that scary. But, it is a singles cruise so there is going to be a lot more socializing than I am used to, and I only know one person in the group I am going with, so I am kind-of nervous about this one.
• Go to a singles ward activity/FHE and attend a singles ward. I love my calling and I love my ward, but I am not meeting any singles. So, I need to make an effort to at least once a month go to another ward or an activity and try to meet new people.
• Ask someone out on a date. I HATE this. I have always been old fashioned and felt like the guy should be the one to ask out. But maybe some of this is just an excuse because it terrifies me. Of course, I am going to have to do achieve the goal of going to activities and meeting people first because I don't even have anyone to ask out right now - but hopefully in a few months this would be a possibility.
• Ask a friend or family member to set me up. I don't really mind blind dates, if someone brings it up and has someone they want to set me up with. But I have never wanted to actually ask a friend to set me up. I guess I don't want to look too desperate. Time to swallow my pride.

Although I just recently decided to do this, I actually did go to a singles ward FHE and Sacrament meeting in January, so I already have one month down. If anything both of those experiences reminded me how socially awkward I can get when I am out of practice and how much I really need to be working on this more! I'm hoping now that I will be more accountable since I have to report back on my blog.

Does anyone else have any suggestions or things they are scared of?

Good, Better, Best

I think one of the hardest things with being a single adult in our society is figuring out what to do with our free time.

For someone who is married and has a family, decisions are pretty much made for you. Free time is pretty much non-existent. Between school programs, recitals, taking kids to lessons, helping with homework, volunteering in the PTA, etc, you could fill every minute that you have with something worthwhile to help and support your family.

For a single, life is not that simple. Believe me, I am not complaining that I have options. I think that is one of the tender mercies of the Lord. The problem for me is that I am TERRIBLE at making decisions. I suffer from analysis paralysis. If I have a night free there are a hundred things I could do, workout, go to the temple, read a book, watch a movie, work on a craft, hang out with friends, go on a hike, etc. Instead of deciding on something to do, I put it off, and then nothing gets done and I feel guilty. I feel like I should be contributing more to society and doing more to better myself, but there is so much to do, that I don't know where to start so I end up watching TV and wasting the evening away.

Lately I have been feeling like I need to do more service. As a single there are so many wonderful opportunities to serve, but how do you pick which one? Do I volunteer as a reader for the blind, a tutor for a refugee family, a big sister, visit a nursing home, volunteer in a hospital, the list goes on and on. All good and worthy causes, but which one is best. I can't decide so I don't do any and then the guilt and the feeling like I am wasting my life away comes.

How do you decide what to do with the few hours you have between work and bed?

New Calling

Well, I guess the title of this post is a little misleading, since it isn't really a new calling now. I have had a calling for more than a month. I just haven't been in the writing mood. So, my newish calling is the Sunday School teacher for the youth 12-16. ACK! I was pretty terrified my first Sunday, I am not going to lie. I HATED Sunday School when I was a youth. Most everyone would sluff, but I was uncool and actually went. So usually it was me and two boys that I thought were pretty repulsive, and we were lucky if our teacher ever showed. Really, not the best memories.

Of course it didn't help that I was told how FABULOUS the teacher was that I was replacing. I was pretty intimidated going into that first week. But so far I have survived and I hope I am getting something through to the youth. They are absolutely fabulous kids, but there is a pretty large age range. If anyone has ANY ideas for how to keep the attention of 12 and 15 year olds - with a few who have english as a second language - PLEASE let me know! :)

This calling has been a huge answer to a prayer for me. My second or third week in the ward I remember sitting in Sacrament Meeting almost in tears wishing that they would assign me some good home teachers or that the Bishopric would take an active interest in my life, anything that would help me to have the influence of really good strong Priesthood holders in my life. My dad hasn't been able to fill that role in my life, and there have been so many other friends and family that have been hurt by men not living up to their covenants recently, that I was really struggling to have faith that there are good men out there. That day after church I met the Bishop and talked with the Stake President and was feeling good and thought that that was the answer that I needed and that need to be enough.

Last night as I was thinking about my class, I realized how the Lord has blessed me even more. The funny thing about my class is that there are a lot more boys than girls - and the boys are a lot more involved and active in the class. I am just in awe of the caliber of the young men in my class. The two oldest are such good leaders, they watch out for and help the younger boys and are always willing to answer questions and participate. In the last two months they have both borne beautiful testimonies during fast and testimony meeting. These are some of the best young men I have ever known. They probably have no idea, but their examples have helped me see that there are still "strippling warriors" today. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father answered my prayer, I was never expecting that he would answer it by giving me the blessing of teaching, and learning from, good strong Priesthood holders.

Happy Valentines Day

It has been a couple of weeks since my last post. So, I guess I had better try to at least post some of the thoughts I have been having recently.

After a slow start, I think I am finally starting to a part of the ward. It has been hard. But there are some wonderful people in the ward who have made me feel welcome. I went to a Relief Society activity last week and had five different people introduce themselves to me. I was so grateful to not have to sit alone and then sneak out during the socializing afterward, which is probably what I would have done.

I still don't have a calling. But, I am not as concerned about that as I normally would be. The Bishopric asked me to come in for a get to know you visit a couple of weeks ago and asked me what they could do to make the transition easier. I told them I wanted a calling so I could get involved. I remember someone on this blog commented once about telling the Bishop they needed a calling, not in Primary, so they could get to know other adults in the ward. I didn't feel comfortable asking for something that specific, and I wouldn't mind serving in the Primary, so I didn't say anything about that, but the Bishop told me that they were prayerfully considering a calling for me, but were trying to find the right fit. They didn't want to just stick me in Primary because I wouldn't be able to meet as many members in the ward. So, although it has taken awhile, I am grateful they are in tune with the spirit and trying to find a calling that will help me.

I was also excited last week to meet another new sister who has just transferred into the ward from another singles ward, as well as an acquaintance from my singles ward who just turned 31. It is so nice to have other singles in the ward who are my age!

One last thought for this Valentines weekend. A dear sweet brother gave the opening prayer in Sunday School today. There are a lot of widows and divorcees in our ward, so Valentines could be a hard day for a large portion of the ward. This dear brother said the following in his prayer: "Please help us all to remember that Valentines is love from our Heavenly Father also." I thought that was the sweetest thing to pray for, and really helped me to have a better attitude about "Single awareness day". So, go out and enjoy Valentines, and remember the love our Heavenly Father has for each of us!

I Want Pancakes, or Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

When I was growing up one of our favorite books was Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. In my family, we now say, it was an Alexander Day, not I had a bad day. Well, last Saturday was one of the worst Alexander days I have had in a long time.

I got a new bed set for Christmas and decided while I was putting everything on, I would flip my mattress. Well, this turned out to be a comedy of errors, which included my new bedskirt melting in the dryer, me knocking a lamp over, onto my computer, breaking a key off the keyboard, and finally, the last straw, knocking the entire bed off the blocks that I have it raised up on. It was at this point that I kind-of fell apart. I kept thinking, I am so SICK of this! If I had a husband he could have helped me and this would have been done in no time, with no problems. But no, I can't even do the basic home care items without being reminded that I am alone. I just want to be married already, why is this SO hard!

It was just one of those Alexander days.

Well, I go to my parents house for Sunday dinner every week. They had Stake Conference last week and related a story that seemed to be specifically for me and my frustrations. Not too long ago the Stake President had a day off of work. He decided to make pancakes for his family. His daughter, who is 5 or 6, came in the kitchen and asked him what he was doing. When he told her he was making pancakes she got very excited and sat down to watch him. He was making the pancakes from scratch, so it was taking him awhile to get all the ingredients mixed up, and of course, the batter didn't really look like pancakes to a five year old. She started to get really anxious, and kept telling him, "Daddy, I really want some pancakes, aren't you going to make me some pancakes?" and "Daddy, can I have a pancakes now", "aren't they ready yet?", etc. Finally the Stake President, a little exasperated, took her face in his hands and looked her straight in the eyes and said, "I am making you pancakes, I know it doesn't look like it right now, but I need you to trust me, and you will have your pancakes." The Stake President then related this story to our lives, and how often we tell our Heavenly Father that we want pancakes, and he keeps telling us, "I need you to trust me, it will come".

I know I need to trust in my Heavenly Father more. This isn't the first time the spirit has told me that I need to TRUST. But sometimes it is so hard! It is easy to say, trust Him, but no one ever says, here is how you gain more trust. So, my question is, how do you increase your trust in the Lord and his promises, and how do you show your trust in Him?