What Are Men to Rocks and Mountains?

Good, Better, Best

2011-08-04T09:39:00.000-07:00

I think one of the hardest things with being a single adult in our society is figuring out what to do with our free time.

For someone who is married and has a family, decisions are pretty much made for you. Free time is pretty much non-existent. Between school programs, recitals, taking kids to lessons, helping with homework, volunteering in the PTA, etc, you could fill every minute that you have with something worthwhile to help and support your family.

For a single, life is not that simple. Believe me, I am not complaining that I have options. I think that is one of the tender mercies of the Lord. The problem for me is that I am TERRIBLE at making decisions. I suffer from analysis paralysis. If I have a night free there are a hundred things I could do, workout, go to the temple, read a book, watch a movie, work on a craft, hang out with friends, go on a hike, etc. Instead of deciding on something to do, I put it off, and then nothing gets done and I feel guilty. I feel like I should be contributing more to society and doing more to better myself, but there is so much to do, that I don't know where to start so I end up watching TV and wasting the evening away.

Lately I have been feeling like I need to do more service. As a single there are so many wonderful opportunities to serve, but how do you pick which one? Do I volunteer as a reader for the blind, a tutor for a refugee family, a big sister, visit a nursing home, volunteer in a hospital, the list goes on and on. All good and worthy causes, but which one is best. I can't decide so I don't do any and then the guilt and the feeling like I am wasting my life away comes.

How do you decide what to do with the few hours you have between work and bed?

New Calling

2011-05-02T20:15:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess the title of this post is a little misleading, since it isn't really a new calling now. I have had a calling for more than a month. I just haven't been in the writing mood. So, my newish calling is the Sunday School teacher for the youth 12-16. ACK! I was pretty terrified my first Sunday, I am not going to lie. I HATED Sunday School when I was a youth. Most everyone would sluff, but I was uncool and actually went. So usually it was me and two boys that I thought were pretty repulsive, and we were lucky if our teacher ever showed. Really, not the best memories.

Of course it didn't help that I was told how FABULOUS the teacher was that I was replacing. I was pretty intimidated going into that first week. But so far I have survived and I hope I am getting something through to the youth. They are absolutely fabulous kids, but there is a pretty large age range. If anyone has ANY ideas for how to keep the attention of 12 and 15 year olds - with a few who have english as a second language - PLEASE let me know! :)

This calling has been a huge answer to a prayer for me. My second or third week in the ward I remember sitting in Sacrament Meeting almost in tears wishing that they would assign me some good home teachers or that the Bishopric would take an active interest in my life, anything that would help me to have the influence of really good strong Priesthood holders in my life. My dad hasn't been able to fill that role in my life, and there have been so many other friends and family that have been hurt by men not living up to their covenants recently, that I was really struggling to have faith that there are good men out there. That day after church I met the Bishop and talked with the Stake President and was feeling good and thought that that was the answer that I needed and that need to be enough.

Last night as I was thinking about my class, I realized how the Lord has blessed me even more. The funny thing about my class is that there are a lot more boys than girls - and the boys are a lot more involved and active in the class. I am just in awe of the caliber of the young men in my class. The two oldest are such good leaders, they watch out for and help the younger boys and are always willing to answer questions and participate. In the last two months they have both borne beautiful testimonies during fast and testimony meeting. These are some of the best young men I have ever known. They probably have no idea, but their examples have helped me see that there are still "strippling warriors" today. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father answered my prayer, I was never expecting that he would answer it by giving me the blessing of teaching, and learning from, good strong Priesthood holders.

Happy Valentines Day

2011-02-13T12:59:00.000-08:00

It has been a couple of weeks since my last post. So, I guess I had better try to at least post some of the thoughts I have been having recently.

After a slow start, I think I am finally starting to a part of the ward. It has been hard. But there are some wonderful people in the ward who have made me feel welcome. I went to a Relief Society activity last week and had five different people introduce themselves to me. I was so grateful to not have to sit alone and then sneak out during the socializing afterward, which is probably what I would have done.

I still don't have a calling. But, I am not as concerned about that as I normally would be. The Bishopric asked me to come in for a get to know you visit a couple of weeks ago and asked me what they could do to make the transition easier. I told them I wanted a calling so I could get involved. I remember someone on this blog commented once about telling the Bishop they needed a calling, not in Primary, so they could get to know other adults in the ward. I didn't feel comfortable asking for something that specific, and I wouldn't mind serving in the Primary, so I didn't say anything about that, but the Bishop told me that they were prayerfully considering a calling for me, but were trying to find the right fit. They didn't want to just stick me in Primary because I wouldn't be able to meet as many members in the ward. So, although it has taken awhile, I am grateful they are in tune with the spirit and trying to find a calling that will help me.

I was also excited last week to meet another new sister who has just transferred into the ward from another singles ward, as well as an acquaintance from my singles ward who just turned 31. It is so nice to have other singles in the ward who are my age!

One last thought for this Valentines weekend. A dear sweet brother gave the opening prayer in Sunday School today. There are a lot of widows and divorcees in our ward, so Valentines could be a hard day for a large portion of the ward. This dear brother said the following in his prayer: "Please help us all to remember that Valentines is love from our Heavenly Father also." I thought that was the sweetest thing to pray for, and really helped me to have a better attitude about "Single awareness day". So, go out and enjoy Valentines, and remember the love our Heavenly Father has for each of us!

I Want Pancakes, or Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

2011-01-30T12:16:00.000-08:00

When I was growing up one of our favorite books was Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. In my family, we now say, it was an Alexander Day, not I had a bad day. Well, last Saturday was one of the worst Alexander days I have had in a long time.

I got a new bed set for Christmas and decided while I was putting everything on, I would flip my mattress. Well, this turned out to be a comedy of errors, which included my new bedskirt melting in the dryer, me knocking a lamp over, onto my computer, breaking a key off the keyboard, and finally, the last straw, knocking the entire bed off the blocks that I have it raised up on. It was at this point that I kind-of fell apart. I kept thinking, I am so SICK of this! If I had a husband he could have helped me and this would have been done in no time, with no problems. But no, I can't even do the basic home care items without being reminded that I am alone. I just want to be married already, why is this SO hard!

It was just one of those Alexander days.

Well, I go to my parents house for Sunday dinner every week. They had Stake Conference last week and related a story that seemed to be specifically for me and my frustrations. Not too long ago the Stake President had a day off of work. He decided to make pancakes for his family. His daughter, who is 5 or 6, came in the kitchen and asked him what he was doing. When he told her he was making pancakes she got very excited and sat down to watch him. He was making the pancakes from scratch, so it was taking him awhile to get all the ingredients mixed up, and of course, the batter didn't really look like pancakes to a five year old. She started to get really anxious, and kept telling him, "Daddy, I really want some pancakes, aren't you going to make me some pancakes?" and "Daddy, can I have a pancakes now", "aren't they ready yet?", etc. Finally the Stake President, a little exasperated, took her face in his hands and looked her straight in the eyes and said, "I am making you pancakes, I know it doesn't look like it right now, but I need you to trust me, and you will have your pancakes." The Stake President then related this story to our lives, and how often we tell our Heavenly Father that we want pancakes, and he keeps telling us, "I need you to trust me, it will come".

I know I need to trust in my Heavenly Father more. This isn't the first time the spirit has told me that I need to TRUST. But sometimes it is so hard! It is easy to say, trust Him, but no one ever says, here is how you gain more trust. So, my question is, how do you increase your trust in the Lord and his promises, and how do you show your trust in Him?

Denial?

2011-01-19T20:58:00.000-08:00

My second week in the ward wasn't quite as good as the first. I found out a girl I knew in High School is in the ward, married, with three kids. I was excited to talk to her and have a friend in the ward. Well, we only talked long enough for her to tell me that there are a lot of fun older singles in the ward, so I should have a lot of fun in the ward. Really? Then, later in the week, I had a phone call from a counselor in the Bishopric, who also told me there are a lot of great single women in the ward, so you should fit right in.

I have two problems with those statements. First, does that mean that I can only make friends with other people that are single? Second, so far the only singles I have met are older singles, in their 40's or 50's or widows in the 70's. Aren't I too young to be looking for social activities with the 40 and 50 year olds? Maybe I am just in denial. In a young single adult you have people ranging from 18 to 31 - a 13 year time span. Going in the other direction, that means up to 44 - so is it that strange that people would group me in with the 40 year olds? Maybe it is just time for a shift in my perception of "old".

This last weekend, my siblings and I decided to leave the cold, yucky air in Salt Lake and visit my sister in California. I have to say, I wasn't that sad to miss church. Hopefully I can have a better attitude going back this week.

The Tender Mercies of the Lord

2011-01-06T20:38:00.000-08:00

I survived my first Sunday in the family ward. I did meet the Relief Society President (who I think is also single - a tender mercy). But I didn't introduce myself to the Bishop. Hopefully I can do that this Sunday. There were a few moments of panic - feeling like I somehow failed and have now lost my chance to ever find someone because I am no longer in a singles ward - but - there were also numerous tender mercies. Today I need to focus on the blessings.

First, my roommate, who is usually not in town on the weekends flew in Sunday morning and met me in Sacrament meeting. Hooray for not sitting alone on my first Sunday.

Second, my bishopric in the singles ward was released about 6 months ago. One of the counselors is in my family ward. So I have someone who already knows me, and is watching out for me in the ward.

And last but not least, a cute young mother (in my eyes she looked to be about 15 - I felt really old) sat down in front of me in Relief Society with her adorable 2 month old baby. Of course I started feeling those baby hungry pangs and feeling sorry for myself because I don't have that blessing yet. And then, the baby spit up all over everything! The mom had a burp cloth but it didn't contain everything - and the mom couldn't see half of what got all over the back of her shirt - and the back of her skirt. The rest of our meetings she was walking around with huge blotches of baby spit up all over her - and I thought - you know - being single does have its advantages. :)

Watch Out!

2010-12-28T14:32:00.000-08:00

About a month ago I hit that special age - graduation age - that magic number that means you are now too old to go to church with the "Young" Single Adults. You can move on to a "Mid" Single Adult ward. Or accept your "failure" gracefully and move on to a family ward.

The mid-singles ward is for singles 31 to 45. However, hitting that magic age, doesn't always mean they kick you out of the ward immediately. I have been to two different mid-singles wards in the area. In each one, there were more people that looked like they were pushing the 45 limit (possibly even into 50) than those that looked like they were in their early 30's. The mid-singles wards also have a much smaller potential dating/interest pool. My friend and I attended one sacrament meeting together. We both had noticed one guy in particular that we thought was attractive. Out of the entire ward, this was the only guy that we saw. Of course, we felt a little bit foolish when he got up to conduct the meeting - yes, he was a member of the Bishopric - a married member of the Bishopric.

Then there is the family ward. As a single in a family ward you get to go to church by yourself, watch all of the cute families, hear lessons on how to raise said cute families, and feel like the person who got sent back to the factory with a defective stamp on your forehead. I have heard so many horror stories about singles who go to family wards and are treated like they have leprosy. About three months ago one of the counselors in my Bishopric summed up the family ward in this way (no lie - this is word for word what he said) "What do you have to do in a family ward, wait around for someone's spouse to die?" I was surprised when my friend related what she heard from the other counselor in my Bishopric - "how are you going to meet someone in a family ward, break up someone's marriage?"

Based on the opinions of these two good men, I am assured that they are not going to kick me out of the ward anytime soon, which I am grateful for in a way. But I also feel like it is time to move on. I have been in this ward for almost 4 years and I am tired of feeling like the grandma in the ward.

Please, read the sarcasm in what I have said above, I know that I am not a "failure" and I know that there are fabulous people in any ward, including the mid-singles wards. I am not trying to whine and complain as much as I am trying to find some humor in my current situation. Which brings me to my decision. It is time for a break from the meat market. I am going to go to the family ward. I figure with the New Year it is a good time to start with a new ward. That being said, I know that there are two different ways for me to approach this new chapter in my life. I can either sit in a corner and feel sorry for myself or I can come in with guns blazing and make people notice me and put me to work. My natural response would be the first. I am terribly shy and have a hard time meeting new people. But, I know I will be happier if I can let go of some of my fears and dive in. Has anyone out there made the transition? Good or bad - tell me your experiences. Any advice on how to make this a good experience?

My resolution is to report on this blog my efforts to get involved with the ward, make new friends, and not hide in corner. Hopefully my experience will be a positive one, and hopefully it just might help someone else out there going through a similar transition. Watch out family ward - here I come!

Statistically Speaking

2010-12-21T13:14:00.000-08:00

And I'm back. Since the last time I posted, I have been trying to deal with some not fun family issues, time consuming church callings, and the usual depression that comes with being an "older" single in our society. So, posting has kind-of been the last thing on my mind. But, I am trying to get back on track in my life, socially, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. And writing seems to be the most effective way for me to deal - emotionally. So, I am going to try to post more often and get some of my feelings written down.

So, the title of my post today. My first or second year of college I took a homemaking class (yes, I was at a church school, why do you ask?) I remember one day the teacher passed around a bowl of candy, and had everyone pick one. She had put in a specific number of each different kind of candy based on how many people were in the class, and then went around telling us what each kind-of candy meant - statistically speaking. So some people got the candy that represented happy marriages while others chose divorce, widowed, and never married. I had picked that candy that matched with the happy marriage and plenty of money category - and of course was thrilled - I was sure this meant that life was going to be grand for me! :) I didn't really pay attention to the never married candy - I never thought that would be me. But, the older I get, the more that lesson worries me because I know that there has to that one person who got the never married piece of candy. Statistically speaking, that is looking more and more like it is going to be me. Of the 14 girls in my high school choir group, I am the only one still single, of the 8 friends that have stuck with me since junior high, I am the only single, of my first set of roommates (6 of us), I am the only single. Of my 8 different companions on my mission, I am the only single. Are you sensing a pattern here? As happy as I am for my friends when they find a wonderful man and get married, there is a little part of me that wishes they would stop ruining my odds. Am I the only one who feels this way?

Intimidation

2009-07-06T19:25:00.000-07:00

Wow! It has been a long time since I posted! I have had some pretty major family issues to deal with and at the same time got a major time consuming calling in my ward. I am finally starting to feel like I am not drowning and figured it was well past time for a new post.

Over the last few weeks I have had a couple of guys make some kind-of remark about how I would never go for someone like them - when in all actuality, I have been wishing they would just ask me out already! I've never thought of myself as an intimidating person, in fact, I think my lack of self-confidence is one thing that has been hurting me in the dating world. But, on a surface level, I can see how people might think that. I have a career with a good paying job, I have a Master's degree, I own my home, and I have a very visible calling in my ward. On the surface that could seem intimidating, but some of these guys also have careers, law degrees, homes, etc.

I think, the intimidation factor is compounded by my inability to let people see the real me. I hate making mistakes in front of people, I avoid things I know I am not good at because I don't want people to see my weaknesses. I keep a tight reign on my emotions - no one sees me angry, excited, and especially sad.

The problem is, that I'm not sure how to change it is so much a part of who I am now. I want to be more open and honest and real around people, but I don't really know where to start, any suggestions?

Jeopardy

2009-04-02T09:37:00.000-07:00

Cue the Jeopardy music.

Answer: Can I play you a song on my saw?

Question: What not to say to a girl who has just met you and is stuck in a car with you.

In my on-going efforts to find Mr. Right, I am bound to meet some Mr. Wrongs, I get that - but I never thought I would be slightly afraid for my life at an institute activity! Unfortunately such was the case last night. The institute had an activity this weekend where they created groups to meet somewhere for dinner. You get to meet new people in a smaller group setting - what could be wrong with that?

Apparently, lots.

What I didn't realize was that it was Prom, a Jazz Game, Young Women's conference, and the Ballet - all on the same night downtown, so I ended up parking about two blocks away from the restaurant. (Lesson learned #1 - take advantage of valet parking)

After dinner one of the guys from our group volunteered to walk me to my car, which I thought was incredibly thoughtful and nice, and I gratefully accepted. Then we decided since he was parked nearby he would just drive me over to my car. (Lesson learned #2 - don't get in the car with someone you just met - even if it was at an institute activity)

During our dinner conversation this guy had mentioned that he played the saw - but I thought he was joking. Imagine my surprise when he brought up the subject again as we were driving to my car! Only this time - it was to introduce me to his saw - which he had wrapped up in some kind-of case and was sitting between us on the front seat! Yes, he has named his saw. I was slightly freaked out and incredibly relieved to see the Ballet just getting out and lots of people and cops on the streets nearby. Especially when he made the following statement,

"She makes really pretty music when I stroke her"

WHAT!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Apparently not, because he proceeded to ask me if he could play something for me on it. (Lesson learned #3 - never accept a ride from someone who considers a sharp object a musical instrument)

I have never been so grateful to see my car, I jumped out of his car and jumped into mine and locked the doors - unfortunately said "sawyer" (apparently that is a real term) has my phone number because I was in charge of the group. Don't get me wrong - I am sure a playing the saw is a perfectly legitimate talent, but for me, I am not answering any calls from unknown numbers from now on!

When We're Helping We're Happy

2009-03-08T12:47:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting conversation with my boss the other day. We were heading back to the office after a property inspection and got stuck in traffic. After discussing the economy and the problems of the world in general, I remarked that it is sometimes incredibly scary to me to think of trying to raise children in this world. His response to that was very surprising, and has really changed the way I look at my time as a single person. The general idea of his response was that there is SO much to do in this world, so many children who have no one to care for them, teenagers who need positive role models, and so many other people who need a helping hand. And he is so wrapped up in his family and making sure his own children become productive and good members of society that at times he wished he were still single so that he could do more good for more people.

It seems to me like the number of singles is increasing. I think it is easy to get caught up in worrying about our marital status - and focus all our energies on finding our eternal companion. But maybe there is a purpose for our extended time as singles. I had never before thought that my time as a single could be a blessing to my community and to people around me. I participate in the service projects my ward arranges and help within my own family when I can, but I always thought real community service was for when I had a family and was a room mother or worked in the PTA etc. But think of the huge force for good the single members of the Church could be if they would focus more of their energies on building their communities and less on trying to control the uncontrollable. How much more meaning and joy would I have in my life if I spent more time guiding and nurturing and caring for the people around me and less time worrying about another Friday night home alone.

"C" is for Cookie

2009-02-22T13:53:00.000-08:00

I had an epiphany of sorts a few weeks ago. My mom invited me to go to an enrichment activity at her ward where they had asked everyone to bring some cookies for refreshments. My mom is a school teacher and didn't have the time or the energy to make cookies for the event, but she did have a tub of cookie dough she bought for a school fundraiser - so my sister threw some of that in the oven so we had something to take with us. After the speaker, we all went into the cultural hall for cookies. It was quite the sight - two big tables full of different kinds of cookies. Heart cookies, bar cookies, chocolate chip cookies, cookies with frosting and sprinkles, cookies with gummi hearts (this was just before Valentines), even some brownies and little mini-cakes. SO many choices - I could have easily gained 50 pounds that night. And there sat my mom's cookies - gingersnaps - no frosting, no sprinkles, no decorations, no fillings, just some plain brown cookies. And no one was taking them. After half an hour of weight gain and socializing, that plate of cookies remained untouched. I didn't even take one of them to begin with because there were so many other good options. When it was time to leave, I retrieved the plate and tried one of the cookies. They were actually really good. Better than some of the fancy cookies I had tried.

As we were leaving it occurred to me how similar it was to a singles ward and by extension the singles scene in general. In the past I have noticed there are certain girls who always seem to be dating someone - or numerous someones, and I will admit I have fallen into the trap of wondering why can't I get dates like they can - why do I go a year, and sometimes two between dates? There must be something wrong with me. But, at that enrichment night, the most important thing I learned was that I am like the plate of plain brown cookies - I am really good - there is nothing wrong with me, and I have a lot to offer. Sometimes it is just hard to see that amidst all the sprinkles and frosting and chocolate chips. None of the cookies are good or bad, right or wrong, better or worse, just different. And someday, someone who LOVES gingersnaps is going to come along. I can't wait.

The "It" Guy

2009-01-19T10:20:00.000-08:00

The "It" Guy. That one guy that seems to be universally attractive to all the girls in the ward. Every ward has at least one, right? And every girl in the ward has fallen under his spell at some point or another - even girls who are visiting the ward are instantly attracted. What is it with these guys - why are they so stinkin' attractive, what is their secret? In the last few wards I have been in these guys seem to be older and more mature/have a career - is it their looks only, or is it the sense that this guy would be a good provider/husband/father? So if they are really that great - why hasn't someone snatched them up yet? I know the older I get the more I hate people wondering why I'm not married and if there is something wrong with me, but I seem to have a double standard in that area. If a guy is older and not married he must be waiting for Miss Perfect - which I am not - so I have no chance.

I have created the following chart showing what I see as the "it" guy's top 10 (what my roommate and I lovingly call "Molly Pockets" - the perfect blend, a "Molly Mormon" who is tiny enough to fit in your pocket) versus me.

Molly Pocket	Me
1. Skinny (to the point of being twig like)	1. Average - I would like to loose a few pounds, but I am not overweight or obese - although I am tall so even if I were twig like I would still look amazonian to some guys
2. Drop dead gorgeous	2. Average - I like some characteristics - but I am not going to stop anyone in the street
3. Fashionable	3. Average - I dress for comfort and have no fashion sense - not bad enough to be on "What Not to Wear" but also not wearing the latest fashion trend
4. Cutesy decorator - some kind-of innate ability to make "Live Laugh Learn" and "Families are Forever" wooden decorations look good in a home to give it that Molly Mormon Mommy feel	4. Average decorating abilities - I enjoy cute stuff, but I am also on a budget - I am not going to buy silly decorations that I have no use for
5. Spiritual Giant	5. I think I am okay in this category - although I am in no way a giant
6. Popular - can she socialize and hold her own at my company parties?	6. I am working on getting over my shyness and being more outgoing, but it is a work in progress
7. Dependent - needs me	7. I would love to have someone to need, but since I don't, I have a graduate degree and a home. I don't look very needy at the moment
8. Sporty - will enjoy my hobbies with me	8. I hit myself in the head when I play volleyball, and I ran over the ski instructor when I was taking ski lessons, need I say more
9. Desireable to others (ie - has experience in the dating world)	9. Okay, honestly this is probably the area I most fall short on - I have never dated anyone. Yes, I am pushing 30 and never been kissed. Where is Michael Vartan when you need him?
10. Nice to everyone - the kind-of girl everyone would love to hate but can't	10. I try - but pretty people intimidate me so I probably appear to be a snob because I don’t talk to most people

Don't get me wrong - this is not a bash on me post, or bash on the cute guys post, there are plenty of girls in my ward that fit that description - and I am not saying I am hideous. But I know that I am pleasantly average - not Molly Pocket perfect. But that doesn't stop me from developing a very unhealthy crush on the "it" guy, when I have no hope of it going anywhere. So, my question is, why am I attracted to these guys, and how can I find a nice non-it guy who is looking for a nice average girl like me that will help me get over the current "it" guy who barely knows my name?

Baby Mama

2009-01-16T10:12:00.000-08:00

So, I watched Baby Mama last night. It was a cute movie, there were some laughs, and any movie with Greg Kinnear (who I think is absolutely adorable) gets bonus points in my book. But, I really didn't like the overall message the movie was trying to get across. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, it is about a 37 year old single career woman who suddenly gets hit with the biological time bomb and decides she needs/wants to have a baby. She is told she has a 1 in a million chance of getting pregnant, so she decides to hire a surrogate. Predictable hijinks and hilarity ensue.

My problem with the movie was the message it seemed to be sending about families and motherhood. That if you want a baby you should just scientifically create one, who needs a husband or a father. Any way you decide to have a family is right and good. I totally and completely 100% disagree.

Being a single woman in Utah, approaching 30 (that would be close to 40 in outside of Utah years) with most of my friends on their 3rd or 4th child, I have to say that I understand what the main character was going through. I have had to come to terms with the fact that maybe marriage and children isn't in the cards for me. Does that mean that I am doomed to live a less fulfilling life? That I am never going to find the happiness and fulfillment I could have as a mother? I used to think that - but I have learned that the Lord makes up the difference. I can be just as happy and fulfilled as a single childless woman, as I can married with children. It's a different kind-of happiness granted, but that in no way makes it less worthwhile. There are no second class citizens in the church and my worth is not based on how many children I have.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints published a document entitled, "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" which states,

"The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity."

Obviously there are circumstances where, due to death or divorce, children do not have the opportunity to be raised by a mother and a father, but if at all possible, it is best for children to have a mother and a father. Yet this movie seems to be preaching that fathers aren't necessary, and if a woman wants to feel fulfilled and experience the joy of motherhood, she should just go ahead and do it. Which appears to me to be an incredibly selfish way of thinking.

I know this is a sensitive subject, and I in no way want to pass judgment on anyone who might have made a different decision, but I strongly believe in the importance of family relationships and think that if at all possible, children should be in homes with a mother and a father.

Gratitude

2009-01-13T11:14:00.000-08:00

In reading over some of my previous posts, I feel like there has been a really negative tone. This is not my intent. Although there are struggles and trials inherent in being a single LDS woman, there are also many blessings. I am a firm believer that you can be happy no matter what your social status, married, single, divorced. The Lord has given me so many blessings and opportunities that I would not have had otherwise and that have shaped me into being the person I am today, and I am grateful for that. So, in order to have a more positive post, I decided to post some of the blessings of being single.

Opportunity to serve a mission
Pursue a higher education, to date I have completed a Master's degree
Gain experience in my chosen career, which will open opportunities for working from home when the time comes
Self-confidence in myself and my abilities
Self-reliance
Empathy
Time spent with extended family members
Ability to save for and take trips to far off locations
Ability to create my own schedule and sleep in if I want
Learn how to be more social, meet new people
Time for institute classes, Temple worship, personal study
Sole control of the TV remote
Opportunities to pursue hobbies and interests
Ownership of my own home in which I can create my own personal safe haven
Disposable income
Spontaneous activities and trips
Sabbath nap time
Sunday dinners at the parents
Watch movies I want (no fights about chick flicks vs. action movies)
I think one of the most important things I have learned from being single is to do things for me. I used to think, oh I will experience that or purchase this or learn this skill when I am married, or when I have a family. I don't need to worry about that until I reach that point. But I am learning that I am just as important as my future husband and children, and I can and need to take care of myself and allow myself to be happy now, regardless of my married state. If I want to have a clean house, it is up to me. If I want to make/eat homemade bread weekly, I can. If I want to learn how to sew or decorate cakes or can and preserve food, I can do all of that now, simply because I want to, I don't have to have an excuse, I don't have to have a family to use these skills on, I can do it for myself because I am worth it. Which brings me to...
My worth is NOT dependent on my marital status, my Heavenly Father loves me, personally and individually and He has a perfect plan for me, whether or not that plan fits into my preconceived notions what I do with that plan will determine my success.

Being Single in a Relationship Centered World

2009-01-07T12:29:00.000-08:00

There are times I have seriously considered moving away from Utah, if only to escape the pressure and questioning about my relationship status. But, I am learning to deal with it. And then, last week I realized that moving to a different state probably wouldn't help as much as I think it would. Apparently, even though marriage and family begins at a later age for some people, the whole world assumes that at some point in your life you are going to get married. I discovered this while setting up an online account . I had to pick three different security questions, some of my options were, first boyfriend, name of my maid of honor, name of the best man, and where did I meet my spouse. Is it cheating to put NA for each of those?

Choosing Faith over Fear

2008-12-23T16:30:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking a lot about the fears that I have in my life that seem to be holding me back. Most of them are not fears of things or people, more fears about myself, and how others view me. I am always worried that if I start a conversation with someone, they are going to feel obligated to talk to me, and are searching for an excuse to leave the conversation. I worry that the men I find attractive find me completely unattractive. I worry that I am really incredibly boring and that I don't really have a personality. I worry that I spent so much time reading and daydreaming when I was younger, I wasn't really living. I worry that once someone sees the real me, they will get bored, or not like me, and move on. I worry that no matter what I do, or how hard I try, my life will be spent alone. I worry that people who befriend me are only doing so to be nice, and don't really want to spend time with me - and thus, I am always looking for people to disappoint me. I am embarrassed for perfect strangers who talk too long - or share too many personal details in church - because I'm sure people are thinking poorly of them. I was/am sometimes embarrassed to be seen with my family, because they aren't always the picture of perfection.

Am I happy about this character trait? No. Do I wish I could change it? Yes. Hence, my New Years Resolution to choose Faith over my Fears. I haven't quite figured out all the ways that I can do this yet, so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. But it is going to start with my Faith List - the things I am choosing to have faith in - and remind myself to have faith in when I have a bad day. I am sure as the year progresses and I work on this goal, I will be able to add things to my list, and hopefully I will be able to look back at the end of the year and see that I have conquered some of my worst fears.

My Faith List

Heavenly Father has a perfect plan for me.
Heavenly Father wants me to be happy.
People are not so self-sacrificing that they will spend time talking to me if they don't want to.
The kind-of person I am looking for, is looking for someone like me and will be attracted to me.
I am interesting and worth knowing.
I can let people get to know me.
People want to get to know me.
My family is amazing, and despite our imperfections, is a family worth knowing.
I don't have to apologize for anyone, including myself.
People are not trying to hurt or embarrass me.
Most people are not going to disappoint me.
I can do anything I want to do.
What I have done in the past does not determine what I can do in the future.

Proposition 8

2008-10-29T12:59:00.000-07:00

I agree with and support California's Proposition 8. To understand why, please read "Disagree but Don't Be Unkind" by Orson Scott Card.

Only in Utah

2008-10-20T14:29:00.000-07:00

So, I have decided that stress of having spiritual responsibility for over 200 young single adults might have finally become too much. Yesterday our dear Bishop - who I love and support and sustain - introduced his newest program designed to get all of the members of his ward married off. I won't reveal the actual name of his new program here - since it includes the names of several of the "older" young single adult men in my ward that he is most worried about. For the purposes of this blog - I will name it - Boyfriend for a Week. Yes, that is right - our Bishop wants the sisters to "take pity on the mothers of these poor menaces to society" and sign up to be their girlfriend for a week - in the hopes that it will teach the men how to commit - for one week at a time. Also, I think, in the hopes that they can set some people up, that they think would be perfect for each other, and force them to spend more time together than the obligatory blind date. I haven't decided if I am going to volunteer for this service project yet. If it weren't happening to me, I might think this was the plot for The Singles Ward III.

This is my first actual "singles ward" experience - all of my other wards were "student wards", which are vastly different - so my question is, are other wards like this? Do you have similar "challenges" from your Bishop? What is the craziest scheme you have heard of to get all the poor "menaces to society" married off?

Is Opportunity Knocking?

2008-10-08T19:56:00.000-07:00

I have been challenged to join the thousands of singles looking for love on the internet by numerous people, but I have always put them off. I have always seen the internet as a really bad way to meet people, and just another way to be rejected. It seems really scary to post a picture for all to see and judge if you are cute enough to talk to. Wouldn't it be better to be pen pals with someone - sight unseen and fall in love with who they are - like in Shop Around the Corner and In the Good Old Summertime? I know it is cheesy and romantic fantasy - I've already admitted I am a hopeless romantic.

I know it can work, I have had more than one friend find love online - I'm just not sure it is for me. Call me old fashioned, but I would love to meet someone without the means of technology.

Personal Growth

2008-09-08T10:37:00.001-07:00

I have been trying to have more confidence, so over the weekend I went to a social activity with the goal of actually talking to new people and getting out of my comfort zone. Of course I ended up in a situation that required a little more bravery than I was expecting. When I got there I discovered someone from my past that I feel very awkward around was also in attendance. I decided that I was going to put my new "bravery" skills to the test and treat him like anyone else, as if there was no awkward history between us. This was a difficult undertaking but I feel like I succeeded at least partially. At the time I felt pretty good about myself, but sitting here typing this post, and looking at this picture, I realize just how small and petty my act of bravery might look to someone else, and really, what little amount of bravery it actually required. There were no potentially harmful repercussions to my actions, death was not imminent, I was not going to end up in the hospital if anything went wrong, so why was I so scared? Maybe my new mantra needs to be - "It's not going to kill you!" Maybe then I would be able to report more instances of personal bravery.

School Time

2008-09-04T10:05:00.000-07:00

Fall is my FAVORITE season. I love the cooler weather, the leaves changing color, and, crazy as it sounds I love going back to school. I loved having a fresh start - with so many opportunities to succeed. By the end of the year I was usually overwhelmed and stressed with homework and tests, but I still looked forward to the fresh start of a new year. I always seem to have more hope at the beginning of the school year. I used to go to every single class thinking - this will be the class that will have that someone special. It would take a couple of classes before I would admit, this class was exactly like all the rest, nothing had changed. I was still shy and unable to talk to guys. Speaking of guys - the one thing I have always wanted to experience in the fall is being in love. I have all these daydreams of dates involving fall hikes, driving in the mountains to see the leaves, bonfires, playing in the leaves, corn mazes, and most importantly, having someone to protect me when I get roped into going to the Haunted House. You never know, maybe this fall is the year!

I'll See You In My Dreams

2008-09-02T14:58:00.000-07:00

My goal of getting up early to exercise once again flew out of the window. It is so hard to get up when you are having a dream about going on a date with a very nice looking guy who seems to be VERY interested in you. I seem to have perfected the art of waking up enough to hit snooze on my alarm, but not enough to interrupt my dream. I am able to quickly slip back into my dream world. But this latest dream made me wonder - you see, this dream it was my first date with this guy - and I was so stinking excited! He was totally into me, and vice versa. Now in real life, I have never been asked out by a guy that I was already interested in. So, is that crazy excited feeling as good in real life as it is in my dreams? And, will I EVER get a chance to find out?

PS - Okay so apparently I lied about not having any obsessions with movie/TV stars, but really, looking at this guy, who can blame me?

Obsessions

2008-08-28T13:28:00.000-07:00

So, for the longest time I have thought that maybe there was something wrong with me because I didn't get obsessed or fanatical about things like others do. I have never had the urge to stay up to see a movie at the VERY FIRST midnight screening. Nor have I ever plastered my walls with pictures of my favorite movie/TV/music stars. And I have never screamed or cried or hyperventilated when I was in the presence of said movie/TV/music star. As I was thinking about this yesterday, I started thinking that maybe it isn't a bad thing. Maybe, just maybe, it shows that I am well-rounded, and have a healthy dose of "moderation in all things". And then I realized that I do have one very unhealthy obsession. I am a romance junky. Which, given my non-existent dating life, can be quite a problem. Give me a happily ever after chick flick any day, give me a TV show with some real romantic tension and I am hooked, give me a poorly written - no plot - sappy romance novel, and the world stops until I finish reading. I know how bad the books are, I know they are all the same, I know I get embarrassed even browsing the romance section at the library, I know the titles are ABSOLUTELY ridiculous, I know lots of times I have to skip over some sections that are rather too juicy for my taste, but I don't care - it's a love story with a happy ending - that's all I need. And, sadly, I have spent WAY too much of my free time, and not so free time, indulging in said obsession. But - I wonder if it is giving me an unhealthy view of relationships and happily ever after. I tell myself that it never happens that way in real life, but am I still expecting a knight in shining armor to sweep me off my feet? Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to not have any obsessions after all. Moderation here I come!

Day 1

2008-08-27T14:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog -
How does one start an anonymous letter to the blog world? Especially when one has never been great at starting any writing assignment. When I was little I used to write stories and plays - my class even performed a Christmas play I wrote. But it seems that my writing abilities disappeared the older I got. I have always dreamed of writing a story that would capture the imagination, but I am too self-conscious to even let people hear my ideas. So, dear blog, you will tell the sometimes happy, sometimes sad, very often frustrating story of my life.

I was recently challenged to pay attention to my feelings and needs more throughout my week. The most surprising result of this experiment was not the feelings that I recognized, rather the lack thereof. Which made me wonder how I came to the point where I rarely experience a strong emotion. Was it all the times I would get excited about something, only to immediately tell myself not to get my hopes up? Or the times I would be hurt and frustrated by someone, but would push the feelings aside so as to avoid the dreaded confrontation? There have been times of strong emotion - the elation I felt when I got my dream job, the strange mix of emotions a mission brings - homesickness, frustration, love and joy all wrapped into one, the terror of purchasing a home (something I never thought I would be doing on my own). But the small every day emotions are harder for me to recognize and feel. Hopefully this blog will help me to figure out who I am and embrace it!